July 9, 2014
For two days I have felt helpless and depressed. Jim and I are not doing so great. I still live in Tulsa and he still
lives in Shawnee. I don’t know if
we can come to a decision about our marriage. I don’t want to let him go, but he is leaving the decision
to me on as to if we should keep trying or call it quits. I am having a relationship with Joe
Jester. He is my friend, and
spiritual mate. I wear a ring on
my finger of the Kokopelli. It is
the symbol of our devotion to each other.
We are bound by love. We
fell into place like we have grown up together since our birth. It is weird that he makes me
happy. It feels great and
scary. I just don’t want to let
him nor Jim go. And I have to make
that decision soon. I don’t want
to make a mistake with either one of them. I know I have.
Joe, he treats me like a man should. Jim, he tried. Still wants to try. I haven’t been happy for a long
time. It was stressing me
out. Constantly making me sick. I could not get out of the house to
save my life until last July. I
had to. I looked sick. I looked and felt like I was
dying.
