I can't find a project that would take my mind off of things that I can't control. My mind is not my own any more. The diabetes medication, bipolar pills, and a few other pills have taken it away. Getting to the point that I can't remember to do simple stuff, let alone spell easy words or do simple math. It is a struggle that I am sure some others have. I have even forgotten to take my insulin. It is something I have to have but my brain has stopped working. It sits right next to me. I tell myself I have to take it. I have alarms to remind me. Nothing has helped me remember. I even have two people to tell me that I need to take it. Why can't I remember these things? Am I secretly wanting to kill myself? I really hope not. I have my grandson to take care of. He needs me to help him. He doesn't want anyone else to do things for him.
I don't want to go into the hospital for DKA again. What can I do to make my memory come back? What will it take to remind myself the importance of insulin? I fight for my family to survive, but I can't fight for myself. The other day, I was thinking on the time I was going to OU. I miss it. I miss the classes. I was not passing because of the medication working against me. I also miss my time at Rose. Again, the medication killed it. I know I am smart, I just can't do anything to gain my mind again.
I guess I have to figure out away to turn my school books into romance novels. Wouldn't that be something. Learning Meteorology with romance. Oh look how the lenticulars play in this sunny eyes. How the E=MCsquared runs across his inverse function. I know, really retarded. Worth a chuckle though.
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